The Integrated Man

August 27, 2010

Game in Your Relationship – She’ll Thank You

Filed under: Uncategorized — Integrated Man @ 1:03 am

From Citizen Renegade:

Relationship Game Thoughts

August 26, 2010 by Chateau 

If your girlfriend is complaining about your selfishness, you’re doing it right. 

Your gift to her is that you don’t go around sleeping with other women. 

Meaningless acts of romance are far more meaningful to girls than meaningful acts of romance. 

Similarly, spontaneous expressions of romance will linger in a girl’s memory far longer than elaborately planned romantic gestures. 

‘Romantic gestures’ is redundant. *Any* gesture done for a girl who already likes you is romantic. 

Role-playing is worth ten diamond tennis bracelets in a girl’s captured imagination. 

A girl’s urge to pressure you to marry is inversely correlated to her depth of love for you. 

Corollary: a marriage ultimatum means she is on the cusp of falling out of love with you. 

Love is as corrupted as any other barter in the mating market, but its great advantage is that it never feels that way. 

Marriage counselors could save more marriages simply by uttering these two words: tease her. 

The alpha male way to apologize for a minor offense is a shoulder rub. The alpha male way to apologize for a grave offense is cunnilingus. 

All regrets and apologies should be expressed long enough after the offense was committed that a direct connection between offense and contrition is plausibly deniable. This is known as the Betafication Avoidance Buffer. 

A strong relationship is defined as one in which your girlfriend’s friends all want to sleep with you. 

Once a girl falls in love with you, she will stop taking the counsel of her friends’ opinions regarding your compatibility with her. 

Corollary: You are then free to piss off her friends as much as you want. 

Love is margin for error. 

Love like an idealist, think like a cynic. 

Relationships are more erector set than blank white canvas. 

But when the time comes to paint, paint with the entire palette. 

If she wants to see you one more day per week than you want to see her, you’re doing it right. 

Texting is a great way to get out of hour-long nightly phone conversations, while at the same time keeping the embers of infatuation burning. 

If she plans three dates for every two of yours, you’re doing it right. 

A girl in love is one who withers as much from withheld compliments as from supplied criticism. 

Give her an email address that you rarely access. There are many ways to stoke the female yearning for an elusive man. 

Her infidelity is an automatic relationship or marriage terminator, except under one circumstance: she was cheating with your other girlfriend. 

If she sneaks away to reapply her lipstick after every make-out, she is afraid she’ll stop pleasing you. Or she’s a street walker. 

A bay window, a cool summer’s night breeze, and ambient light backgrounding fettuccine alfredo and pinot noir is the female equivalent of receiving the perfect hummer. 

The neg never dies. It just fades away. 

If she assumes the doggie position unprompted, you’re doing it right. 

If she gives you mouth love without you having to ask for it, you’re doing it more right than you can fathom. 

“You make me feel happy” is the pre-cum of a girl’s oxytocin-greased mental ejaculation. Her orgasmic “I love you” is less than one month away. 

A good relationship is one in which you joke that you are her king, and there is an undercurrent of wishful seriousness in her playful response. 

If you tell her you feel a little under the weather, and she comes over to your place with OJ, herbal tea, soup, and cough medicine, you’re doing it right. 

Don’t rush the naturally emerging stages of the relationship. Men who rush things are insecure about their staying power. Men who have options are comfortable taking their time getting entangled with a girl. Most hot young girls prefer the latter; cougars, fatties, and single moms prefer the former. 

If you are significantly higher value than the girl you are dating, don’t underestimate the degree to which she can become obsessed with you. An available alpha male giving signals of commitment is like finding a giant diamond lying on the ground in a state park; it just doesn’t happen for most girls. 

When she starts inviting you on her vacations and business trips, she loves being with you. When she pays your way, she hates being without you. 

Better she is an infatuated lover than a loving dilettante. 

If you haven’t had an argument within the first two months, you’ve passed an important test. If you haven’t had an argument within the first year, you’ve failed an important test. 

Girls take seriously their pets’ opinions of you. One purring cat can shave off seven hours of courtship. 

Beware girls who always want to go to “events” or “do interesting things” with you. They fear the connection will break without the scaffolding of a contrived shared experience. If she’s happy sitting on a park bench with you people watching she’s a keeper. 

Joyfully fornicate with girls who are always drunk when they’re with you. But don’t date them. 

If a girl loves you, all problematic matters that would have presented an obstacle to the initial seduction become irrelevant or are actually turned in your favor. 

After one month together, you will be astonished at how often and how vigorously a girl in love will qualify herself to you without you even trying to instigate it. Don’t interrupt her when she’s doing this. 

It is a girl’s natural state of mind to question your worth when she is not in love. In contrast, it is her natural state of mind to question her own worth when she is in love. 

When a girl is down on herself, do not try to lift her up. It is enough that you are there listening to her. 

Saying less is always preferable to saying more. She will be inclined to imbue your silence with positive connotations, and your loquacity with suspicion. 

Girls will sometimes preemptively break up with you if they suspect you are too much alpha for them. In these cases, the impending breakup is best averted by nuzzling your head in her boobage for ten minutes. Your body language should mimic a cat’s. 

Occasional displays of testosterone (ODTs) are more effective, require less effort, and are more fun than “talking it out” when the relationship is rocky. Curse profligately, punch a wall, slam a door, grab a wrist, break a lamp, menacingly wield a heavy object, and disappear for days at a time — then sit back as she swoons and resubmits to your authority. 

Preternaturally serene mindfucking is the ultimate ODT, but should not be attempted by men low in intelligence or feeble of will. Do not mindfuck girls who are less than an 8; you could destroy them for any future beta desperate to settle down with a has-been and populate the country with future generations of danegeld-paying cogs. 

You know that song “Love is Like Oxygen”? There’s no such thing as too high. 

You could spend $100,000 on a lavish wedding, but the thing she’ll most fondly remember is that erotic note you hastily scrawled on a cocktail napkin and passed to her under the table. Think about it. 

August 20, 2010

A Real Woman

Filed under: Uncategorized — Integrated Man @ 1:33 am

…in love with you CARES deeply about you and is sincerely respectful to what it’s like for you to be with her. It matters to her that she does not hurt your heart, that she is nice to you; she wants you to feel rewarded for finding her. A REAL WOMAN in love chooses to be accountable for how her behavior affects you. A REAL WOMAN in love is one that makes the choice to BE this woman.

As a man, you want to feel like your woman has selected only you as HER SPECIAL MAN to love, chosen only YOU, picked only YOU to have sex with, to need, be proud of and has PICKED only you to flirt with. You want a woman that wants to have sex with you but knows that her power source is not her sexuality. You want a woman that chooses not to put herself in a position to be approached by other men, and has nothing to hide about her life. You want a woman that is NICE to you, that CARES if she hurts you even if it was not intentional. If you’ve been hurt, you want your woman to ask you to FORGIVE her so that you can. You want a woman to share why certain things hurt her without being abusive about it. You want a woman that is quick to forgive, that does not try to hurt you when you have hurt her by accident. You want a woman that doesn’t even think about criticizing you to others, a woman that cares more about your feelings than her co-workers or friends. You want a woman that is respectful and loyal to you for richer or poorer, especially when it is the hardest to be so (if loyalty and respect were easy to give it wouldn’t be so valuable).

A REAL WOMAN is recognized because she will only allow herself to be with a REAL MAN that behaves this way with her.

August 17, 2010

Alpha Male Versus Beta Male

Filed under: Identity,Life,Sex and Love — Integrated Man @ 12:26 am

This classic appearead over at citizen renegade:

August 11, 2010 by Chateau

There have been photos of alpha males and beta males here at the Chateau before, but never has there been a photo of the two species of man so starkly contrasted in the same photo. And an aesthetically pleasing photo, at that.

How do we know that alpha male and beta male aren’t socially constructed concepts? Because every single one of my readers, except for the disingenuous liars, intuitively knew exactly which man was which without having it spelled out. You looked at this photo and you knew which man was in control of his relationship and his girlfriend’s fidelity, and which man was on the precipice of a breakup wondering why the sex has stopped.

The photographer won $80,000 for this first place photo, and for good reason. It says so much.

But the important things it says are probably not what the judges or the arts community thinks it says. For that, we must delve deeper, to the hulking monstrous id clawing at the cellar door. Like the dream levels in Inception, the ultimate truth is locked in a vault at the center of the subconscious.

Examine the men’s body language. The beta leans into his girl; the alpha stands athwart PDA, yelling Stop. The beta rests his plush noggin on his girlfriend’s shoulder; the alpha holds his head high. The beta’s torso is diminutively curled inward; the alpha’s chest is thrust outward. The beta’s shoulders slump; the alpha’s shoulders square up. The beta’s spine is bent; the alpha’s spine is straight. The beta’s legs are closed; the alpha’s legs are splayed. The beta’s hands are groping his girlfriend for reassurance; the alpha’s hands are clasped away from his girlfriend. The beta is Mr. Sleepyhead; the alpha is calmly alert.

Now examine the body language of the girls. The alpha’s girlfriend leans into him. Her eyes are either closed or heavily lidded with contentment. Her left breast presses into his back and her left arm wraps around him. Her chin rests lovingly on his shoulder. She is ensconced in the cocoon of his masculinity, a mere branch dangling languidly from his oaken composure. She wants to merge with him.

In contrast, the beta’s girlfriend leans away from him, her head turned toward more interesting subjects, like the view out the windows. Her breasts point away from him, in directions unknown but undoubtedly exciting. Her entire body is shifted away from his cuddly meanderings. She grips the coffee cup like a lifeline. Her face betrays a hint of annoyance, or perhaps wistfulness. Wistful for what? A longing for renewed passion? She is playing the role of the oak tree, and she resents it. She wants to chop off his branch and merge with the outside world.

The two couples are mirror images of each other.

Alpha body language — aka high status nonverbal signaling — is absolutely critical to any successful seduction, from pickup to relationship management. Women mentally register the gears and pulleys of our body mechanics before they hear our words, and a misstep there means our words will fall on deaf ears. The good news is that alpha body language can be learned and applied to increase your success rate with women.

While the alpha male in the above photo is more conventionally masculine looking than the beta male, if the beta was sitting like the alpha, mimicking his demeanor, he would suddenly look more masculine to the viewer. And his girlfriend would look less like she was thinking about fucking the guy she met in the coffee shop that morning.

(photo link courtesy of Rufus)

August 8, 2010

10 Things I’ll Teach My Sons About Women

Filed under: Uncategorized — Integrated Man @ 11:58 pm

[This guest post was written by Micah Sparacio, originally posted on his eponymous blog]

Sometimes the truth is not comfortable.

So if you’re not comfortable with a reality that betrays our ideals, don’t read on.

The most important thing I’ve learned about women is that you’ve got to be indifferent to their attempts at harnessing you in an emotional net and controlling you. Sounds harsh, but you’re the man. You need to be in charge of yourself. You should not be controlled. You need to lead. You need to make decisions. Forget all the nonsense about equality. Women don’t want that, even if they say that they do (duplicity of intentions is not uncommon in relationships).

What’s important is to understand how women operate at a biological and emotional level. Ultimately, women are not looking for nice guys. They are looking for strong, confident, powerful men. Men who make them feel secure… comfortable. This makes sense from an evolutionary perspective as women needed men they could rely on to protect both them and their children.

So don’t fall victim to the stories about intentions… the narratives about what they need… the pleas for a nice man. It’s tough. But if you forget everything else, remember this one rule: don’t let a woman ever gain control over you at an emotional level. Don’t let her push you around with guilt or pleas for sympathy. Stand up to her when she’s wrong. There’s nothing wrong with providing comfort or offering a compliment… in fact, you should master these skills … but don’t let her manipulate you into giving them. At that point she’s controlling you.

The story you’ll hear preached from the rafters of our society is that women are just looking for a few nice [read: controllable] men. Reject this narrative at all costs.

Instead, focus on being a man. Confident and capable. And don’t be afraid to embrace the higher virtues like humility (just don’t confuse it with cowardice) and strength (but reject the self-obsessed pride that destroys so many celebrities). Women don’t necessarily need these things, but remember, your goal should be to become a great man, not a poser who’s trying to pick up women.

You must become the man you want to become without regard to women… it is only then that you will find that the task of gaining and keeping the attraction of a woman is as simple as breathing. And by doing this you can beat the jerks and the thugs (the one’s who get all the girls) at their own game.

The man who spends his life catering to every whim and fancy and emotional confusion that the average women goes through is quite simply not going to be able to attract or hold onto that woman for very long. He will be used and abused and have his heart broken. There’s no reason to go through this.

So, with that introduction, here are the ten things that I hope my boys come to understand about relating to women.

1. Be confident
Women are attracted to confidence. The irony is that your confidence should not be for the sake of women. It should be natural. Make yourself the best man you can be. Let your confidence derive from who you are. Aim to be the best man you can be simply because that’s who you want to be.

Biologically (and thus subconsciously) women gravitate towards big, strong men or men with confident personalities (sometimes coming through in humor, but humor isn’t necessary). Both of these are ancient signals that the man will help her offspring survive (remember, women are motivated and act at a subconscious level, even if they don’t agree at a conscious level).

2. Smile at rejection
Historically, women have been the rejectors and male the pursuers. This is just how the world works. Like it or not, you’ve got to be thick skinned and realize that rejection is just part of the deal for men.

The good news is that unlike the past, there are billions of women out there. So just move on. Don’t let rejection rock your confidence. Learn, improve, and move on.

You can treat rejection the same way you treat the training for a sport. A necessary evil.

3. Maintain other interests
Never allow a woman to consume all of your thoughts or all of your time. Harder said then done. But there are a number of reasons that you should maintain other interests (hobbies, friends, etc.)

The most important reason is that by having a life outside of your relationship or your obsession, you won’t fall hard when the relationship ends. It helps you stay grounded. It helps you move on when the time comes.

Remember: you never want to be consumed by a woman, because then she’s in control. And she really doesn’t want that. Trust me.

4. Enjoy the company of guys
Make sure to have a core group of guy friends that you spend time with on a regular basis. Have fun. Be active. Be a guy. Tell dirty jokes.

And never abandon your guy friends for a woman. If the woman tries to dominate your time, it’s time to move on. It may be hard, but the minute the woman starts trying to control you like she’s your mother, the relationship is stale and it’s time to get the hell out of dodge.

5. Understand hypergamy
At a biological (subconscious) level women are always trying to upgrade. Men have a hard time understanding this because for most men, at a subconscious level, all that matters is that a woman have a certain level of fitness. Any woman who meets that threshold is fair game. Doesn’t matter if she’s an upgrade or downgrade.

With women it is different. Women are constantly keeping their eyes out for an upgrade (usually in the form of acquiring more power). But they are also constantly keeping their eyes on other women that might be a threat to their current situation (flirting with other women on occasion, within view of your partner, is a great way to fight hypergamy).

So why does this matter? Well, because awareness is the key here. Don’t for a second think that the girl you are with transcends her biological nature. Be prepared. Women are not nearly as innocent as the media portrays.

But it matters even more because you can do things to control hypergamy. 1) don’t be a pushover 2) don’t give her emotional control over you (once she’s dominated you, she’ll definitely start looking for the next guy) 3) keep relationships with other women and flirt from time to time

Most importantly, prepare yourself for reality. Don’t get caught of guard. Know what you want. Keep an eye out. Confront. And be prepared to walk away.

6. Be ready to let go
There are a billion fish in the sea. There is no one woman who was made just for you. Don’t buy the Disney nonsense. Sure, there are some women who will fit your personality better than others and certainly some that will be more attractive than others. But the sea is so large… don’t despair.

The minute your girlfriend or partner starts jerking you around or treating you like she’s your mother or using shaming language of any kind or just acts like an entitled princess, it’s a sign that it’s time to walk away. But there might be other signs too. Is the girlfriend spending too much time with other guys? Let her. But not on your dime. Don’t think. Just end it. And once you end it, stick to your guns. Be patient. You won’t have to wait too long for the next potential “friend” to come along.

7. Enjoy the company of other women
Remember, you’re the man. You’re in charge of your life. And really, at a biological level (forget the socio-cultural sublayer), that’s how she wants it. Keep female friends. Keep your girlfriend on her toes. Give her subtle cues that, sure you’ve chosen to be with her, but you could also walk away at any moment and replace her.

Oh, and don’t hesitate to flirt with other women from time to time. It’s the antidote to hypergamy.

8. Get good at something
Gaining skill is about the best confidence builder there is. Men need to build, to create, to invent, to solve problems. I don’t care if it’s learning how to play the guitar (the obvious chick magnet) or learning how to hunt deer (less so). Find something you enjoy and throw yourself into mastering it. And don’t get in the habit of giving up. Learning is a long process and often it takes a lifetime. Just stick with it and keep working through those plateaus.

By having a skill or a set of skills, you will gain independence and self-reliance. You will feel confidence in your abilities. And you will always have something to fall back on and gain comfort from if the people in your life fail you.

9. Ditch the nice guy stuff
A friend once said to me: “Things changed when I became a nice guy. Women started to hate me.”

Your goal is not to be nice. Your goal is to be a confident you. There’s no need to be an arrogant prick or a bad boy. You can beat the thugs and pricks and bad boys at their own game. All they have going is that women perceive them to be strong, confident men. And that’s what women want. You can outdo them by being strong and confident and smart.

Oh, one other thing. It’s out of fashion, but you shouldn’t be afraid to maintain the high ground as an honorable gentleman. A guy who treats his woman well, but who also isn’t afraid to walk away with dignity when she starts playing games.

10. Your body matters
Screw the nonsense that it’s what’s inside that counts. Sure, in an ideal world, that would be true. But this is not an ideal world. That’s one thing I am certain of.

Treat your body like a hobby. Turn it into the most fit machine you possibly can, but have fun with it. Go for hikes. Enjoy nature. Learn to gain peace from solitude. Eat the fuel your body needs. Don’t put junk in the gas tank. Eat lots of meat, vegetables and nuts and drink lots of water.

And do it for yourself. Not the women.

Bonus: Most women don’t want to be reasoned with about everything. Not that you won’t find a rare gem of a woman (like your mom:-) who loves reason and is governed by it. But don’t count on it. Most women prefer to consent via the emotions (“does it feel right?”). If you want something, lead her there. Make it feel right. Want a gun in the house? Focus on the emotions related to security. Women want to feel safe and secure, so make sure she knows you’re getting the gun to protect the family.

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